6 things I am grateful for (BuzzFeed style title – feeling trendy)

According to this Entrepreneur article, one tip for living happier is writing down what you are grateful for, so here goes.

1.) I am grateful for this house I am in. It is my parents’, and I get to live under it for free. And it is a good size. It’s a wonder how they came here from Bangladesh and managed to get this house not far from the centre of London with great transport links to it and a in a lovely area ( that’s currently gentrifying – mixed feelings but some positive – like I’m no longer bummed to come back to Walthamstow after a day at uni in the awesome city.)

2.) I am grateful I live in London. I recently had a job interview at *cough cough* British Airways *don’t mean to brag (didn’t get it though haha)*  and there was a masters students who had flown in from Austria just for this interview – and I was concerned about the hourish long journey I had to take on tube to get to Heathrow! She told me how she lived in Devon for three years worked as a hotel assistant to improve her English and then an Insurance company. She said it was her dream to live and work in London. It made me realise how lucky I am that I was born and brought up here, and on top of that, fit in with the culture and if I had to choose a city to live in , it would be London. To think she was prepared to leave her home and family just for grand-ness and excitement of London. I also mentioned to her how my uni – King’s College London – was located with its campuses lining the Thames – one at Strand, Waterloo  and London Bridge and a hospital (St Thomas’) at Westminster right opposite Big Ben. To me this is awesome but when I mention it to others they aren’t that wowed (maybe cos they’ve never explored or I am bragging!), but she actually gave me the response I was expecting and was truly amazed. And it SO amazing – why I loved uni. She was a nice girl – thought I would see her after, but think she was gone 😦 no – grateful I met her!

3.) The fact that it is September and the weather is still warm and that the Sun is currently out, with blue skies (of course). I truly hate the cold and depressing winters here (maybe cos I don’t wrap – my sister loves them – she actually stays warm). So I am grateful for this not-too-hot-not-too-col weather, and of course a climate where we can grow food and build things and do basically anything without hassle. I am currently looking at Iceland, and one thing that hit me was that there not much arable land meaning food is expensive and that they have to keep ties with neighbouring countries, but all the while keeping independence (resulting in their indecisiveness of joining the EU). And as a result a meal is about £20. I thought how lucky we are, without harsh weather ( same goes for many droughted countries of course). Can’t imagine living there. Although I don’t now what it’s like, maybe they are happy! I think there is good fishing too

4.) I was sitting on the tube once staring at the skin on my hands (nice way to start a para). This woman was looking at me, probably thinking ‘ what the hell she doin?!!’. I was thinking about how lucky I am to have such clear healthy skin. There are people who have all sorts of skin conditions, or maybe or had an accident or attack that has negatively impacted it. That really sucks! We take it for granted.

5.) My friends. I recently met up with some uni friends, since leaving uni in June 3 months ago. We never really went out because we would see each other everyday at lectures, but this 3 months away from them I really missed them, so it was great when they suggested it. It was really relaxing to meet up with them. They were all in the same place, experiencing the same problems – finding a job or what we want to do. We also talked about what others had been up to, and I felt so much more at ease. You’re with them and your class for 3 years, and suddenly you’re all alone. I noticed how well we all fit together too, which is something hard to find (there’s four of us – a nice number). I also should mention one of my friends who has been in touch with since we left secondary school. She is always there to listen to my problems, and I can tell her anything and not feel judged. she’s aweomse, and makes me happy, let’s me know I always have someone there for me (also my other friends too, but pre-uni too!)

6.) My healthcare. I really don’t know if should give a quick mention or make a whole post. But I think I’ll do it now, as I ‘m the mood. We have the NHS here in the UK, which means free healthcare ( or if you want, taxpayer’s money). It’s one of the best things about this country. My family in Bangladesh have sadly been having some health problems, which are costing a lot money, for simple surgeries we could get easily freely get in the UK. So my mum collects donations from her friends and herself to send back home. Imagine being sick and not having the money to get you through. One family member has been going through a lot of pain, who we are collecting for. I was ill last year, and the only option was to try this £2000 drug (which worked) and they gave it me free (my mum complains it’s out of her taxes but it’s fair). That would really have set us back if it wasn’t for that. And I can’t be more grateful for that and all the doctors and nurses, and everyone behind them, who have treated me. I also have a great team, particularly my doc and pharmacist, at my current hospital who are doing a fantastic, flawless job. My life would be even more mess without them.

There are many more things I could talk about here, like the technology I ‘m using this to write, and internet (we all know how awful it is when that’s gone, pus you can learn anything!), the fact I’m not hungry or thirsty *sips water*, my eyesight, hearing, touch. my nails and hair and of course, my education, but I would be here all day. Hope you enjoyed reading (I don’t know). Think about what makes you happy! have a good week 🙂

Hi I am back and I am 21 and illiterate

So what has happened since my last post? Two big things:

1.) I did a maths degree and it was the best thing ever

2.) I got diagnosed with long-term illness, and that is definitely one of the worst experiences in my life.

Umm. We’ll start with my degree then? (Which I am sure you are all keen on! But it’s cool I swear). So… maths! Turns out it’s a lot cooler than I thought. By the way I am talking about theoretical maths here – the stuff mathematicians like Pythagoras did – and it’s awesome. It’s hard to explain but it’s let’s say… you know how you hated mental arithmetic and and solving word problems  etc but didn’t mind simplifying expressions like x+2x (since it is literally 1 + 2), yeh the latter is sort of a dumbed down version of what theoretical maths and why it is a lot more fun than those word problems i.e. Applied Maths. There are a few reasons I love maths and here are some of them!

1.) It is very logical. Every line of maths has a justification – either it is the definition or you’ve added x to both sides of an equation for example, which completely works – you are never left in the dark as to ‘why was that possible?’ ‘what’s the point  in this?’. If you are, this is not maths! Another thing, is that it is all done in a step-by-step manner, which if you’re a simpleton like me – and hate multi-tasking –  you will love. It’s ‘just focus one thing and then move on to the next and focus on that for a bit (ok sometimes days, but stress is what makes the reward of understanding even better)’, and it is almost therapeutic as it is so detached from the world.

2.) There is no ambiguity. Do you sometimes hate how you will say something completely innocent with good intention to someone, but they take it the wrong way? Well, no fear, MATHS is – ok, that’s too cheesy. You won’t get this in maths. A beautiful thing in maths is that any two people will read a maths statement and have the exact same understanding being on the EXACT same page. And I think that’s a comforting thing – to know that, you and 100 other people in your lecture room, ok, they’re probably not paying attention either – hypothetically!, are united precisely in your brains by this tiny statement for those few seconds. And that anyone who reads your work won’t have a negative opinion about it (assuming it is correct – which is easily achievable with practice). No judgement, no arguments; just objective understanding. On that topic of arguments, I will quickly add that trying to comprehend a complex mathematical proof with your friends that you’ve been going over for days, is one of the most enjoyable things. Each of you strengths to bring the table and any point you make will be backed by maths, so no one can argue with you. No brutality; just a learning experience where are you are working like the avengers, or some superhero group, to defeat this proof’s beastness.

3.) Everything is proven. Nothing is ‘I think’ or ‘we deduce from..’; it’s we KNOW, we (there’s no other needed synonym, but it needs balancing, right?). Mathematicians won’t take ‘this formula worked for all the scenarios I tried therefore it is true’ for an answer. It needs rigorous mathematical proof. And I know what you’re thinking; ‘what the heck is a proof?’ (we did show that questions in school, but they get much deeper than that). And it is very difficult to give you an example that will interest you and show you the variety that you get with proofs. So that brings me to, if you are interested, looking online at introductory undergrad maths notes and going from there (it should be free). Also, once you’ve tried that, if still interested, there are some good books online. A particularly good one, with some easy proofs is ‘ What is Mathematics?’ which you can find on Amazon. It actually helped me with a question in a calculus exam which no one else could answer. But anyway, I hope you give it a go. If you enjoy logical thinking, I highly recommend it; it really doesn’t start off challenging – it’s like false hard work.. you’ll see! It’s quite unfortunate that they don’t teach this in UK schools, because had I not had an older sister who did this degree and persuaded me to do it last minute while I was apprehensive and that I should have done Economics (‘yeh, it’s good, you’ll like it’), I would never have discovered this whole world, which just happened to be what my mind was wired by, and was there my whole life, but didn’t realise it. UK Govt, change your syllabus, or at least have extra classes for those who might like it!

Anyway I will talk about number 2 (hint) perhaps later on as I have written way too much here. Um have a good day, week, whatever! Thanks for reading. Check out maths too!!

P.s. You can also see how I have lost my articulacy and wittiness, and am super-boring and grown up now. I was looking into Alice in Wonderland, which was the last book I read in three years ago in first year and loved, and turns out Lewis Caroll was a mathemtician at Oxford who was really awkward around people and was more comfortable around kids (eehhh let’s not go there!). Perhaps I could relate to Alice and her want of finding logic in all things. And reading the first few pages again, I really could! Anyway I’ll stop now. See ya

Untitled, originally uploaded by allofthiscanbebroken.

Via Flickr:
this is just a shelf in my bedroom where i shall from now on keep books, dvds and albums! (i filled it up much more since this photo). so yeahh

oh, that piece of paper is a painting – or recreation! – of something by banksy (i don’t know what it’s called, but it’s of a guy throwing macho flowers) i did for my gcse art, which was a massive failure overall. i kept the painting to stick up on my wall but it kept on falling down (the papers quite thick) and now it just lies around… with no place to be 😦


Untitled, originally uploaded by allofthiscanbebroken.

Via Flickr:
the height of these buildings were gob-smacking. they were almost hidden away in between the narrow streets of the moorgate-barbican area – i had harldy noticed them until i turned the corner. there are the popular ones, like canary wharf and the gherkin, and then there are these ones. your typical well designed office blocks that, though not suprising to see in london, still don’t fail to leave you jaw-dropped as you tilt your head back to take in their enormity!

exams are over – hurrah! i mean, starting applying-to-university things – eek!

so my exams ended about three weeks ago. and indeed, it was a long, grueling process. there have never been more times within one day where i’ve wanted to completely submerge myself into my duvet and teleport into another dimension!

on the other hand, i must admit that during exam period, i had never been more on form. believe it or not, but doing non-stop calculus – this includes differentiating and integrating; trigonometric functions, exponential functions, composite functions, more functions you don’t care about… moving on! – and revising economics definitions as well as mini geography essay writing, is actually very good for the brain. yep, i had never felt wittier. the world around me would just make so much sense – at lightning speed! feeling slow? revise! (even if you don’t have exams….)

sadly, though, ever since they (they.) ended i have done nothing – absolutely nothing – but waste time like i never  have before (if you’ve heard of tumblr, you’ll know what i mean). and as a result my brain power has gone from the tip of a drop of a rollercoaster (or in mathematical terms; the maximum) to rock-bottom in the space of those three weeks and at an increasingly fast rate! hence why this post, currently, is sucking. but moving on to the important stuff…

university. it always felt – just like many other future prospects – so far away, and as if the day you apply will, almost, never come. and because of this, you’ll think: i have loads of time to prepare and think about it all!

but then all of a sudden, it’s popped up on you like a rain drop from the leaf of tree falling on your head post-torrential-rainfall: already, we’re having to make our university choices, visit open days – none of which i have done, register our UCAS accounts, and, possibly most importantly, write our personal statements!

who’d have thought doing such a thing would be so difficult?! i mean, writing about myself. i do it all the time. i’m doing it right now. me, me, me! so, why, may i ask, must one only sit there staring at white blank page (mumford) when asked to write about oneself and a subject or two one is passionate about? well, they do say the person we know least is ourself (or something like that).

i’ll be applying for maths and economics courses,  and so far, i have a brainstorm – i mean, mind map! – full fairly decent ideas to include. they’re cat-poo compared to the amazing attributes and extra-curricular activities i’ve come across on the glowing personal statements on the internet but hopefully the reader will take pity – probably not.

i need to; be original – not cliche, interesting – not skills-listing, and sound as least arrogant as possible – i need to reduce use of the word I.

yeah, i can so0oo do this.

should go and get on with it rather rambling and ranting about it. by july 17th we’ve got to go and show our final pieces to the sixth form head, who i’ve heard will absolutely butcher it, and one’s self-esteem in turn i guess! ahhh ><

on a lighter, more relevant to the world and general internet users – and of course not remotely related to this post, crazy (literally) alternative pop (i don’t really know what it’s called :P) sensation Björk is back and features in the 200th issue of Dazed and Confused


awesome! (is that word at the end of a post patented??)


the music for 2011 playlist

yes, it’s been quite a while since my last post but i am still here! just to update you,  i have an awful, awful cold – probably contracted from the abundance of little kids in my school (i attend a sixth form, why?!) – and stink of this fake vicks my mother bought called ‘Peach, Vapour Rub’ – tuh, the tub looks exactly like Vicks! oh and not to mention the stream of snot currently trickling down from my nostrils and into my mouth *goes to grab a tissue* … wait, all gone?! nooo. must resort to old, used up tissue… ooh not good!

ok, all is well (ran to the kitchen to grab a not-so-nose-friendly kitchen towel – but at least the snot is gone! :D). anyway, back to the important stuff.

as the title suggests this is where i reveal my new music for 2011 playlist. ‘but it’s already march, we’re well into 2011’ i hear you say. uhuh, i hear ya, and i. am going to respond to that by saying, ‘there’s never a beginning or end for new music. music is being created everyday of every week. even as i type this a young university student is out there sitting on their laptop in a cramped up halls room, possibly putting together the greatest tune ever to hit your ears!’ ‘touche’ is what you’re thinking, ri-ight?

so, here’s the playlist, just click here (i love making ‘click here’s). it’s on spotify so you’ll have to download if you haven’t already – i can asure you that  it will be worth it once you do.

it’s got all the obvious ones such as Mr James Blake, who, by the way, attended my school… yuhuh, The Naked and Famous, The Vaccines and Yuck, all of whom you may have come across on the bbc sound of 2011 list released at the beginning of the year (yeah yeah, the proper way of doing it!) or, if you’re really indie,


Catsitting, originally uploaded by Daniel Jacques.

this has to be the loveliest thing i’ve seen all day. ok, so it’s still the morning, but the weather was fab – in contrast to the miserable… plethora(!) i was forced to step out into yesterday – so to beat that, it’s got to be awsum! makes me want a cup coffee (neither good nor bad)

i should really be doing some work rather than going straight on the laptop and listening to some katie melua (my sister heard it from the bathroom and thought it was someone singing outside with a really good voice aha) while having steve allen on lbc on! and i should also go get some breakfast. i’ve always thought breakfast first then work – cos you need the ‘fuel’! – but come to think of it, breakfast is just one big distraction. food in general really: food means tv which means getting into a programme (anything but hollyoaks of course) which then leads on to watching others meaning time being consumed and consumed like water going down a plughole. ramble, ramble, ramble… 😛